marthamarie

Youre beautiful

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 20:33:34 GMT

So its a Saturday after noon and Im sitting here listening to the song Youre Beautiful over and over again on the computer. Im know I cant fx the past but I wonder what the world would be like if everyone was told they were beautiful and it was sincere. How many children just yern for their parents or even an adult friend to tell them that they are ok the way they are.

It seems like there are more FEMALE schovonist pigs than there are male ones. As females we are digging a bigger and deeper hole. I have never known so many females trying their damnist to look different than who they are because THEY want to not because a male figure is telling them to. Its sad. Im just praying for that day when every magazine is giving advise on how to better our relationships with eachother. Advise on how to forgive, love, give, trust. That will be the day..if it ever comes. I am blessed to have friends that care about me and I care about them no matter what they look like, how much they make, or how their relationships are with other people. Everyone is beautiful plain and simple. Im tired of hearing "everyone is beautiful in their own ways". NO...EVERYONE is beautiful PERIOD.

If there is one thing that I want people to remember me by is love. I dont need to be known as the nicest or the prettiest or the most stylish or the most powerful and wealthiest. I just hope metaphorically people believe my heart is bigger than any other part of my body.

Thanks guys for being incredible friends. I am the person I am in part because of everyone of you!
You are all beautiful!!!!

All I can think about is BABIES BABIES BABIES....

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 01:07:57 GMT

So I just found out an old friend of mine Shauna is pregnant. Its a bitter sweet thing for me. Im happy for her because I know what joys come with having a baby. I also will pray for her because she is young and being a new mom can be hard. Bitter because I know my situation. I see all these young unmarried people having babies and I think to myself...why is it that I try to be responsible, do what is right in the eyes of God this happens? Nate and I both know that nearly 99% of all males with CF are infertile and to me honest we have been trying ever since we were married to have a child. I know it can take time. Miracles happen and I am wating for mine. If this sounds harsh that is not my intent, but sometimes I think why can crackheads and sluts go around having kids, knowing fully well they can handle that responsiblity but yet it come so easy to them. Its just hard to see all these unwed moms having kids, with a lot of them not having the father support. Its not fair! I know I know life isnt fair.

I keep hearing about all the "options" we have. We can adopt..that would only cost about $15,000 up front. We could try invetro...that would only cost about $10,000 if it works the first time. Yeah we have options. I know that having children is exspensive, and Im not saying its not worth the tens of thousands of dollars to adopt, its a beautiful to know you have saved a child's life. Its just hard...and Im tired of feeling as if I have to put a dream on hold.

Well, I have made my peace..I have said what I needed to get off my chest. Everyone have a wonderful rest of you week, and just pray for me I need it right now. Thank for reading and listening!

****disclaimer**** Not to sound rude but I really dont need to hear anymore about how I have so much time and that I just have to be patient, I already know all that, I dont need people to tell me that..I have thought everything through and needed to let it out on paper (so to speak)

My new job!

Sun, 19 Mar 2006 15:38:41 GMT

So I finaly finished my first week at work. I have 8 weeks of training :( but it does count as 11 college credits at Rio Salado!!!!) So we started out with 20 people and now we are down to 17. It should be interesting to see how many people come back Monday. I am a vacations consultant. People call US Airways and I package their vacations for them! The class is a lot of work and frustrating. We have computer from the 80's and all 17 of us are doing the same thing at the same time. This causes the computers to be slow, completely freeze up, even knock us out of our programs causing us to start all over again. Its craziness, but Im getting it down fairly easy. People in the class say Im like a sponge! I try to help every else out as much as I can. All I need to keep thinking to myself is "free flight privilages" and it should get me through this.

We are now living with the rents here in Mesa. Not only does it help us out since Nate doesn't have a job right now, its helping them out. They are both not working and its nice to have another person to share the expenses with. So its a win win situation.

Our cockatiel has laid 5 eggs! We bought her a mate a few weeks ago so some may be fertile while others may not be. She is definately protective over those things though! Its funny to mess with her (Im know Im sick). I will put my finger in her nesting box pretending to go for her eggs and she will LUNGE at me! Sarge is doing good. We made him a t stand so he doesnt have to always be in his cage. He hates being by himself though. When we will leave the room for like a second he will fly off his stand so he can run to us. He's very entertaining.

Nate just built his new computer. It has a HUGE screen ( I think 21 in). He is opening up his own web design business. So he is trying to get his name out there. If any of you know of people that need any sort of web design needs let me know. His prices are very reasonable and he amazing (and Im not just saying that becuase he is my husband I SWEAR).

Well hope everyone had an amazing weekend. Nate and I might go to the Ren Festival next weekend. I know some of you have gone already but if anyone is interested let me know!

Dropped out of school...what a loser

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 01:58:29 GMT

I dropped out of school half way through. I got a job with US Airways. I needed to to get benefits for Nate and I. My offical title is "Vacation Consultant". My job is to package vacations for travel agents/people. Because I have to know what I am talking about I have to travel to different cities/countries and try out hotels/activities. I am going to love this job. But I have to go take NAte to urgent care. He fell up in Flagstaff on the stairs of our apartment. The apartment people hadnt shovled or de-iced our stairs at all. So NAte slipped and fell. Alright...Im sure we will hang out sometime with all you down here in Phoenix.

Applebees and more!

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 15:29:04 GMT

I am going to be at Applebees on Highley/Brown tonight! I want to invite all of you to join me! I might call some of you if I still have youR number (I at least know that I have Amanda on there as speed dial 5) Alright so hope to see you all there. NAte might be joining me (If he doesnt fall asleep at 7pm like he has been) if some of you guys only come to see him....HAVE A GREAT DAY!

I guess its time for another update!

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 04:23:18 GMT

So its been crazy. I hate making decisions about my life but if I dont do it who will? So Im back at NAU taking some higher up classes for an accounting degree. Yes some think its boring but I think its fun. Especially now that computers basically do all the work so you dont make mistakes! Because I know that in my accounting classes I make the stupidest mistakes and wish there was a way to check it before you have gone through the whole question that took you 1 hour to do! Ahh...frustration!

So Nate and I have decided that it costs too much to live in Flagstaff, in fact...too exspensive to live in the US! Costa Rica has been on our minds. Its just an idea for right now, but plans are being made, information is being sought after. I mean where else could you find a place that is like this:

3bed/2.5bath
kitchen fully stock (includes even a rice maker)
living room
fully furnished (and they are hella nice!)
all utilities paid
cable paid
internet paid
daily maid service (will even clean your dishes!)
fresh towels daily
basic nessecities like shampoo, conitioner, toilet paper
security guards
upstairs bedroom has a balcony facing the mountains
IN COSTA RICA

all that for the low low cost of......$800 a month! (its kinda like a long term hotel, but they are villas)

Ok I am not anti USA by any means, but Im tired of hearing about all the freedom we have here and how much oppurtunity is here. Maybe if I grew up in Cuba or Mexica I would see it but I dont. What I see is the majority of our citzens trying their best to make as much money as possible and spen d it all on themselves and not care about those who have special needs. I know I am that way. I spend money on a nice car, nice apartment, random exotic birds, nice computer, the list could go on. Im a hypocrat for saying it but Im tired of it. Im tired of being told that we have to pay $570 /month for healthcare and then get a letter from them saying that most everything is NOT covered because it is PRE-EXSISTING!!! Costa Rica has free healthcare...kinda like Canada. Even if at the beginning we cant get it for free, its a lot cheaper than up here. Who knows after saying all this Nate and I may stay here after all but at least I have made my piece with it.

So Nate and I both quit our jobs, full time students living off money we dont really have, but thats ok. We got rid of our puppies because its not fair to them to live in this apartment. We still have our birds though. Nate takes Sarge on daily "flights" outside. He will fly pretty far and just stop and squack till we come and get him. Its the most hilarious thing!

I miss all my friends down in Mesa, I havent seemed to get connected up here, or the friends I did have moved. I need to get invovled in something maybe? Well I am off to Vegas for my 21st birthday next weekend. We are going to see Blueman group (thats my b0day present from Nate) I guess we are in the "Poncho" seats whatever that means *shurgs* Cant wait to legally drink and maybe gamble a few bucks just for fun...I know I wont win...Im dont have good luck like that.

Awfully long post hope you enjoyed it!

This quote is from Joe and made me laugh!

"You are like a slinky....youre good for nothing, but you bring a smile to my face when I push you down a flight of stairs"

Back for my yearly post...at least it seems like its been that long

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 14:59:28 GMT

Well, I cant believe I havent posted in awhile. Not only have I not posted I havent gotten everyones address to send thank you card to them from the wedding. It went off without a hitch! Actually that was a lie. I totally forgot to pick up the cake so Nate went and got it like 30 minutes before the wedding! Then when it came time to cut the cake he had forgotten to pick up the sheet cake portion. My mom flipped out and made this huge announcment, but by the end of the night there was still cake leftover (I think it was because my mom scared everyone so no one took any!).

Nate and I are in our own place now. A 2/2 apartment with a fireplace! If only one of us new how to start a fire! We have 2 puppies both girls names Jack and Morgan. Now even though it may seem they were both named after alcohol only Morgan was. I think its cute to name a girl dog Jack! They are Australian Shep and Golden retriever mix and they are CRAZY! Doubt we will get our $600 pet deposit back after these 2 terrors. Also we got our Military Macaw we have been waiting for or months. His name is Sarge and he is also CRAZY. One of these days I am going to come home and not have a finger cuz he bites it off! But he is cute when you snuggle with him.

Latest development! Just in! Nate and I are opening up a business here in Flagstaff. Now we still have a lot to do before it can happen but we have a goal of Feb. 1st. Its going to be a coffee/sandwich shop in the downtown area! I have been doing all the work due to the fact that Nate works 50 hours a week. But its so awesome because at CCC they have a small busniess development center that you can go and speak to an advisor for free about starting up a busniess and they will help you out! The one who is advising me used to own coffee/bagel shops in Alaska so its so cool to hear things from someone who knows the business. Well more update on that when I know more, but for now its just an idea and a busniness plan. Does anyone want to invest like $10,000 or more into it?
My parents think I need investors so I know other people believe its a good idea. I think they are skeptical on the whole thing but I love it. I know its going to be hard but its worth the work!

Christmas shopping is a bust. Havent done any besides Nates. Coming down to Mesa for a few days. We will be driving up late x-mas eve and leave the day after Chritmas. Nate has to close at work for Christmas eve. It sucks. The girl that make the schedule conviniently gets afternoon shift of Christmas eve off and the day after Christmas. Oh if you wanna hear some storie ask me to tell you about Rene or however her names spelled. If I could I would hate her. Im poor anyone else in the club? Well so for x-mas this year I dont know what Im going to do! Oh well, its not about the gift right?? Haha

Ok well everyone have an incredible holiday season and thank you some much for the support from everyone and all the wonderful gifts! I hope we can get together when I am down there, because I truly miss you guys. I think I have written enough. Going to try and wake up the other half! Im going to see Narnia today anyone seen it yet?

Letter to Nathon

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 01:43:01 GMT

I wrote this letter to Nathon today...he wont be home until 1am. I will be asleep. I hope he understands I needed to tell him this.

Nathon,

If I had to pick a song that I wished portrayed what my life was like with you (and if need be without you) it would be this. I don’t know if you have actually listened to the lyrics, but here they are for reference:

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of

You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do nothin to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive

I always wish that my mind-set would be that I have nothing to lose. That nothing would compare to achieving what I desire, what I feel inside me. That I was doing something for the sheer purpose that this is what at the moment was meant to be. Not for anyone else, for myself and for you. That we could pick up our bags when we felt moved (literally or figuratively) to a different place; to a different world…do a different life. I wish I didn’t have to know which day it was, which month it was.

I wish I felt so young and free that I had nothing to prove besides the fact that I had nothing to prove. I wish I had a group of people to help me understand that life doesn’t have to be the way I feel it is. That life isn’t here to prove you are loyal, honest, and hard working. Life isn’t here for liars trying to scam us into believing they are someone they aren’t, but here to prove we can accept everyone the way they are.

I want to pack up my bags and be responsible to my heart and myself. I don’t need to be held accountable for anyone or anything anymore. I’m too tired, too confused to deal with it. I don’t want a place to call home besides your warm embrace. I don’t want a plan anymore besides the plan God has in store for me. I don’t know what it is and surprisingly I don’t care.

But how can I do this? How can I listen to my heart with everything I have now promised to others? How can this carefree life I want to live go along side with this “real” world life? Can they coincide with each other or must I choose? Must I choose between you and it also?

There’s something about you now Nathon. Everything you do is beautiful no doubting that. I can’t keep my eyes off of you.

I have nothing to prove.
I have nothing to lose.

Can it be that easy? Can just saying that make it true?

I love you, for forever…

Martha Marie

I finaly got it to work so here are my answers

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 23:29:56 GMT

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.

1.~How did you meet shikon_no_tama? In bannd of course!
2.~What would you do if you had never met kimmykay13? Nothing considering I would never know if I had or had not met her
3.~What do you honestly think of deatro? I dont know him too well, but its cool to hang out with!
4.~Would or did shikon_no_tama and nikki_nicole go out? I would say yes...too bad they live in different states
5.~Have you ever liked wee_one04? not romantically if thats what you mean
6.~If oh__rara died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know? I would want her to know to put in a good word for me to the guy upstairs (aka God)
7.~Would highwaytolife and piano_diva make a good couple? Thye are both incredible musicians so i would have to say yes
8.~Describe finehereiam in 3 words: unique, rambuncious, and intellectual
9.~Do you think nlrnau is hot? who doesnt?
10.~Would oh__rara and msafiriwadunia make a lovely couple? no
11.~What do you think of when you see nikki_nicole? how cute she is and how muc I miss her
12.~Tell me something humiliating about piano_diva: she wears whote t-shirts when ever she knows shes gonna get wet
13.~Do you know any of hopeles_dreamer's family members? yes... her bro
14.~What's shikon_no_tama's favorite color? red....definately red and if it isnt red then Joe..change it to red
15.~On a scale of 1-10 how cute is drunken_scott? 15!
16.~What would you do if cowgoesm00 just professed their undying love for you? I wold say "MAN...why didnt you tell me this before I met Nate?"
17.~What language does shikon_no_tama speak? English and Japanese..both better than me
18.~Who is vegan_jess going out with? His name is John...at least I think they are still going out
19.~Is shikon_no_tama a boy or a girl? pretty sure a boy but then again I ahve never actually seen ....
20.~Would shikon_no_tama and cowgoesm00 make a good couple? I think Joe should hook up with everyone from this list
21.~Who do you think crashbubbles03 would be great with from this list? Joe...considering what I wrote in the last question
22.~When was the last time you talked to nlrnau? about 1 minute ago
23.~What is wee_one04's favorite band? Switchfoot
24.~Does highwaytolife have any siblings? yes he has 3, of which 2 were accidents
25.~Would you ever date hopeles_dreamer? if she would date me
26.~Would you ever date finehereiam? again...if she would date me
27.~Is crashbubbles03 single? I think so
28.~What is shikon_no_tama's last name? Schultz
29.~What is shikon_no_tama's middle name? he doesnt have onecuz I say so
30~What is deatro's fantasy? to hook back up with Jessica as sad as the situation may be at the time
31.~Where does shikon_no_tama live? In Mesa with horses
32.~Would you make out with shikon_no_tama? if he would let me make out with him
33.~Are kimmykay13 and hopeles_dreamer best friends? no but they know eachother
34.~Does finehereiam like shikon_no_tama? I don;t think they have ever met
35.~How did you meet shikon_no_tama? Refer back to question #1
36.~Is nlrnau older than you? yes
37.~Is msafiriwadunia the sexiest person alive? to someone Im sure she is

Please do not take most of this serious! (I guess you can if you want to though!)

CCC

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 23:53:53 GMT

So I am here at CCC (Coconino Community College) for my first day of classes. It's not too bad so far. My first class seems like its going to be hella-fun. My teacher graduated from NAU and was on their wrestling team. He was so good that he was a alternate in the olympics!!!! I thinks that so ironic considering Nate just told me he has always wanted to get back into wrestling and maybe someday be in the Olympics. How weird huh!!! Kinda cool though cuz Nates needs to get back into it and this may be the guy to do it!

So I have a 2 hour break inbetween classes which I guess since I live 5 minutes away I could drive home but today I decided to check out my online course. Holy Moley this is freakin overwhelming! Im taking a computer course online and I took this pretest and realized how much I DONT know about computers.

So I am taking business and accounting classes. I signed up for these a few days ago. Yesterday Nates dad tells me that he is thinking of opening up a business with Nate's sister's boyfriend which are living with Nate's dad as of last Tuesday. Brian does handyman work and they are hoping that they can both quit their jobs within the next 6 months. AND they want Nate and I to move up there once they start making a good profit and have continual work to be a part of it! They want if to be a family business which I love! Not exactly where I thought my life was heading but *shrugs* who really does? So I hope that I can at least finish my Associates in either accounting or business and then if the business works out to move up there and start helping with that! I don't know why I am so excited...its still so far off but I have always loved home improvemnt shows (GO TRADING SPACES!!!) and getting to work within that sorta field would be awesome.

So I am prob coming down to the Valley for Labor Day weekend (this weekend in case someone doesnt know), but have to be back in Flagstaff by Sunday night because I work Monday morning. Please guys lets do something!!! I miss you all so much and I have so much to tell all you and just, I don't know...I really miss our crazy laugh sessions!

Alright enough writing for now. But I'm sure there will be more to come if I can find time between being a full time student and working 30 hours a week!

Hard to believe...

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 03:10:00 GMT

Hard to believe its been almost 2 months since I have updated. I guess Im just a horrible person that doesn't have time for anyone then Nate and work.

Heres the convo Ness that you forgot exactly...you may find it a little different than your xanga entry....

UaNuRsEnEsS: we need to talk
UaNuRsEnEsS: whatever, you need to call me asap (520)695-2569
UaNuRsEnEsS: its very important
UaNuRsEnEsS: later
martha12985: whats this about?
UaNuRsEnEsS: im not going to discuss this, online. it's just something we need to talk about in person, or over the phone
martha12985: you need to talk right now?
UaNuRsEnEsS: no, but we really need to talk about this before you get married
martha12985: oks I think i will call you now
UaNuRsEnEsS: i am online
UaNuRsEnEsS: i actually have to work so i cant talk right now
martha12985: just tell me what it is Ness
UaNuRsEnEsS: I am not doing it over the internet
martha12985: why not?
UaNuRsEnEsS: call me tomorrow or sometime this wk
martha12985: why would you bring it up and then just leave me here
UaNuRsEnEsS: because it seems like it was the only way to get your attention, every other time I try to talk to you, you ignore me
martha12985: I dont ignore you IIm not there
martha12985: seriously
UaNuRsEnEsS: i guess you're too busy with your new life
UaNuRsEnEsS: whatever, ill talk to you later
martha12985: Im busy yes
martha12985: but if its important you wouldnt leave me here guessing
UaNuRsEnEsS: like i said, I have to get back to work,
martha12985: wokr where?
UaNuRsEnEsS: at home, i run my own scrapbooking company
UaNuRsEnEsS: i have an 8am deadline
martha12985: yeah well I guess is wasnt that importnant to take a 30 min break to talk about it
UaNuRsEnEsS: i dont want to say anything Ill regret so Ill just say later
martha12985: ness I really dont unerstand this
UaNuRsEnEsS is away at 8:23:36 PM.
martha12985: either that was complete bs about how important it was or you are being cruel by saying it and making me wait

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Auto response from UaNuRsEnEsS: time to get back at it!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

martha12985: thanks a bunch
UaNuRsEnEsS signed off at 8:24:13 PM.
UaNuRsEnEsS: what's your address up there?
UaNuRsEnEsS: alright you want to know what is so important??
martha12985: yes I would
martha12985: 901 S. Oleary
martha12985: Apt. 113
martha12985: Flagstaff AZ 86001
UaNuRsEnEsS: it seems to me, and a couple others that used to be good friends with you, that you have been ignoring your friends, and blowing us off for your job, or things with nate, and while I know you want to be with him most of the time, I think that you should at least find some time to talk with your "friends" keep them in the loop about what's going on in your life. Ever since November of last year, the only type of communication I have had with you, was a couple emails, maybe a phone call, and me trying to call and email or IM you with no response.. It's very frustrating that it seems you can't find 5 minutes in your day to call, or write a simple email.
UaNuRsEnEsS: I know that in the last few months I haven't tried as hard as I probably should have but being sick, and starting my own company has been a big responsibility, and even though it's no excuse, I will try to make more time for us to stay in touch, if you are willing to try as well.. but it's up to you
martha12985: you know Im fine with you expressing how you feel but when other "people" are also saying this...
martha12985: Im glad Im being talked about
UaNuRsEnEsS: we are just concerned that's all
UaNuRsEnEsS signed on at 8:35:46 PM.
martha12985: to be honest you are the only person in Mesa at that church that has even tried to talk to me
UaNuRsEnEsS: bull
UaNuRsEnEsS: okay, pam and i have, yes, but what about other people that are still your friends like austin or danny
martha12985: LOL
martha12985: they still think they are my friend>
UaNuRsEnEsS: isn't austin playing at your wedding??
martha12985: maybe I dont know
martha12985: the only times those guys talk to me is when I initiate it IF that
martha12985: so I dont really think they care about me
UaNuRsEnEsS: omg.. im not getting into that right now
UaNuRsEnEsS: look, if we're gonna continue being friends, i need a reason to try, something like saying you'll email once a week, or call once a week, otherwise, I can't keep trying
UaNuRsEnEsS: what do you say?
UaNuRsEnEsS: hello?
UaNuRsEnEsS: i do have to get back to work
martha12985: you know Ness
UaNuRsEnEsS: know what
martha12985: that I do appreciate how you have tried
UaNuRsEnEsS: BUT........
martha12985: and I am truly sorry that I have put other things before even e-mailing you
UaNuRsEnEsS: just get to the point please
martha12985: nm
UaNuRsEnEsS: no please tell me
martha12985: you just told me to get to the point
martha12985: so the POINT is now that I cant promise anything
martha12985: too bad you didnt wait for me to finish
UaNuRsEnEsS: okay, well
martha12985: do me a favor though...we you Pam Austin adn Danny really concerned about this?
UaNuRsEnEsS: it was nice getting to know you, I wish you well with your wedding, and I know that God will always be first in your life
UaNuRsEnEsS signed off at 8:43:58 PM.

Hope that refreshes your memory a little.

Sickening

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 05:43:26 GMT

So just like 5 seconds ago my roomate Ahsley told me to go outside of our apartment and lok to the left. So of course I did and guess what I see? Two people NAKED in their apartment with the lights ON having sex..yeah it was sick. The most hlarious part was that someone came up to their door and knocked and their reaction was all freaked out. All of us wanted to tell the guy their friends were having sex but we didnt. Finally they turned off the lights and I yell out "THANK YOU!!!" So that was my excitment for the day.

The wedding date has changed once again and the details are different too. The actualy wedding is Oct 29th. Its going to small and intimate mainly just family. Then later in the year we will probably have a party for all the friends that didnt come to the wedding with pictures and videos and muisc and stuff. This is what I think I want. Who know though, by January me and Nate by in New York *shrugs*.

Well I know this update sucked cuz I didnt say much. I have been busy at work with the PUPPIES. And I just am getting tired. Hope all is well with people and PLEASE don't have sex with the shades open!

Sucky day

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 18:58:38 GMT

So yesturday we found out we WEREN'T approved for the freakin apartment. WTF???? Ummm...yeah that's right. I had my dad co-sign it cuz he makes enough money and all but for some reason that wasn't enough. I love how people bs us and lie to us just to give us a reason. I want ALL my money back. They lied to us!!! My mom called then after I told her the news pretending like she was just looking for a place and this guy told her that if you have a misdamenor or a felony that you automatically get denied. Nate has a misdemenor. It's funny tho cuz thats NOT what the lady that we worked with said. She said it would be a problem. HA! What liars.

As you can tell I am upset. I am tired of living in the trash hole I live in. It's so dirty, filthy, broken down. Plus we don't have internet which isn't bad but would be nice. So I guess for now we stay there.

Probably not coming down to Phoenix this weekend because of all this. Maybe, but not sure.

There is a wedding show this weekend and I have Sat and Sunday off!! Maybe I might just have to come down.
The wedding officially is still in Mesa but we might move it up to Flag becuase we are up here. Plus my rents might be moving to Milwaukee in the summer so what's the use of having the weddding at a church no one goes to right? We will see. Me personally wants to have it in Costa Rica but of course that would mean most couldn't come. It's such a hard decision! Craziness I tell you.

Even with this apartment problem I am doing ok. Life is good. Can't wait to just get into my own place where all I have to do is clean up my own filth!!

Moving once again

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 21:43:02 GMT

Still no internet at the apartment but that doesn't really matter considering I am getting the heck out of there! After recovering partially down in Mesa from my surgery my parents drove me back up to Flag and had a "vacation". They both agreed the place we were living in was filthy and not a very good environment for Nathon considering it's on the 3rd floor and no elevators.

We are moving into this 1 bedroom which is very trendy I would have to say for Flag. We were suppose to move in today but we havent even gotten apporoved. Thank goodness my parents co-signed cuz there would have been no way in your know where that we would get it. I am pretty confident.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE come visit if you are up here. Summer is so gorgeous here and you always have a place to stay!

I never realized how much it costs to live on your own especially up here. Everything is oober exspensive. I am just glad Nate and I have jobs now. I work at Animal Kingdom at the mall. I wish I didn't work every morning but hey its money right?

Well time to say goodbye for now. Wish I had more time. Once Nate and I get situated and actually have internet I hope I can communicate more with you guys. Might be down in Mesa this weekend to gank my parents furniture!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe go to a party or 2 we will see.

Happy

Thu, 19 May 2005 06:21:01 GMT

I just want to thank all all you that took time out of your lives to talk to me today! It was awesome even though I shouldn't have been talking and laughing so much I think I messed up my throat. It was well worth it though. Seriously...all you guys care so much about me every one of you and I love you guys so much and just hurt thinking about how I will be up in Flagstaff and you wil be here...Missouri...Europe...just anywhere but here. I will think about you.

EVERYONE.....HAVE A GREAT DAY!

Nikki, as hard as it was for me to dial your number I am so glad I did it. Love you!

I'M FAT!!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 03 May 2005 21:52:37 GMT

I moved my computer into my new apartment and the guy disconnected the internet for no reason *cough* bastard *cough*. So I am using the computer lab which sucks.

So Nate's in the hospital AGAIN with pnenomia. He has been there since yesterday afternoon and it doesn't looklike he is getting out today. Honestly I am getting physically and emotionally tired of this crap. I know he can't help getting sick, but there is only so much a person can take. I'm tired of going to the hospital. I'm tired of seeing him sick. I'm tired of being miserable just sitting there next to him in the most uncomfortable chair while he lies there in a bed getting as much morphine as he wants and having a nurse at his beckoning call. Seriously..I'm sorry if this sounds selfish, but this is how I feel. I'm tired.

Lat night I go back to the apartment after leaving the hospital and realize some asshole locked the door and I didn't have keys. So here I was with no where to go. I sat in the car for about 2 hours till Brett got home. Crying to myself. Begging God for all this to stop, even considering giving up on him.

Most of you probably don't know what's been going on. Well about a month ago my parents basically told me they liked not having anyone at home. I understand that completely. I mean, there are at the point in their lives where they like being empty nesters. So off to find an apartment here in Flag......doo doo doo doo doo doo...ok found one. Nate and I moved everything in on Sunday except for a few things still in the dorm room. Basically Nate and I felt we had no choice but to find a place together and I love it. It really is nice having him sleep next to me at night (that is when he is feeling good). This is just a transition period until we can find a apartment and can AFFORD it. Hopefully only a few months here.

I'm tired of life being like this. My mom told me that its good that I am getting to see what its like living on my own, but honestly most people's lives aren't this shitty.

My surgery for having my tonsils taken out in being pushed back to NEXT Thursday. Oh and you want to know the reason why?....its cuz I'm too FAT. That's right. They were all "because the limit for the body fat index is 35 and you are 38 you have to have it done at the hospital in case anything happens"...yup what a great reminder of how fat I am and how much I try to become healthy and things don't work and how much other stuff I am having to worry about now.

Looking for a job. I have an interview at a pet store in the mall here (yes they do have a mall in Flagstaff). Now I have to explain to them how I will have to alreay take off work for my surgery and I can't go back to work for a week. That's if I even get the job.

So I have been very selfish in this entry. I am sorry. Gosh other people's lives are worse than mine. I just don't feel like taking another breath is even worth it right now. Just to take a breath and realize more things are still left to accomplush. Bills are needing to get payed. Just everything. Heaven looks pretty nice now a days.

Something is getting done

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 00:52:20 GMT

So I am finaly getting something done with my throat! They are just going to take out my tonsils. I went into the ENT doctor today, after much pushing from Nate to Dr. Downs and he said he needs to take them out. I just hope this cures my pain, after the pain of having the surgery. He also gave me pian killers for the sleepless nights I have been having for the past 5 days.

My tests came back from the other doctor and I don't have mono nor do I have strep thank goodness. My ENT doc still doesn't know why I am in so much pain but doesn't know what else to do.

So today is Nate and I's 6th month aniversary. Seems like it has been 7 years, and at the same time feels like it has been a week. I can't believe how much I am blest having him. He is so opened minded, and just fun to be around. There are those stressful times and just crappy times, but they are worth it. I love him, with all of my heart that I can give.

Last weekend was great, although I wished I could have gone out after the poker night. Stupid throat was just killing me! I heard everyone had a lot of fun...if only I had gone and been included. *winks*

School is almost over but still too far away to grasp. Too many papers due. Too much homework to get done. Too much reading to do. Too much to think about. Can't wait till this is over. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

"Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever."

Poker Night

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 05:40:18 GMT

Ok guys...

Poker night at my place! I was thinking tomorrow (Sat) night we could get together around 9pm and play some Texas Holdem and if you dont know how to play don't worry, I learned how to play after a few rounds so it will be easy for you. It will be free. Nate has poker chips and he will just give out even amounts to everyone. We will just be playng for fun so no pressure. I will make snacks and hopefully others can bring the drinks! *wink wink* So come on over and let me know if you can make it cuz I really really really really really wanna hang out with you guys. Please please please come on over! Umm..oh and I will probably set up the table in my bedroom so that we dont desturb my mo who gets bitchy whenever people are talking after 8pm...*sigh* so yeah. I just am way excited about tomorrow so I hope you can all make it!

Softball

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 03:30:19 GMT

Today we had a meeting for the intermeral softball team I am in. We are called "Get Real". It was funny though. We have our first practice and no one had a softball so we couldn't play! Oh well. Nate and I went out and bought one and threw it around with my roommate Jess after the meeting. Our first game is this Weds. at 10:30 pm...thats right PM!!! I hope I stay awake for it.

I got my roommate Jess to join the team and she is really good. She says she is good and catching and throwing but trying to hit the ball? Thats a whole other story. Of course I suck at it.Im just not athletic I guess. But I told one of the leaders that if this team is competetive to the point of yelling at people I am out! Those kinda people piss the crap out of me. I am just trying to have fun even though I suck! She said its not going to be that way. Thank goodness.

I'm going home this weekend to look at dresses. My mom already has hers...lol..I think that is hilarious.

So I got my car looked at after it started to have all these lights go off. Turns out I need all this crap done to it and for them just to tell me I have to get all this crap done its gonna cost me $130 THEN to fix the problems it will cost another $600. Ummmm...HELL NO!!!??!!! So while Nate was in the auto store getting parts this guy sayed he would do it for $25 an hour (it will probably take 2 hours MAX) if we buy the parts which were about $60. Hmm.....I liked that idea so we are taking it to him tomorrow. He's a mechanic so he knows his stuff. Man that saves a lot of money even though I still had to pay this other place $130 for nothing.

Waiting for school to be over as I'm sure everyone is, but I am excited about softball. It will give me something to look forward to each week.

"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."

A wonderful Saturday

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 03:33:25 GMT

Today was a great day! I did laundry so now I have clean clothes! Also cleaned up Nate's room which definately needed it. I so enjoy cleaning. I mean I like it when I'm not "expected" to do it. Like today I come back home and my suitemate was like "we were just talking about you". Then she goes on to say how in so many words that I need to clean the bathroom because last weekend they all helped eachother and I wasn't there. I'm sorry that I was in Mesa dealing with my life. I said I would clean it all myself, so that settles that.

Nate and I spent some of the day doing our new hobbies. I finally found one! I am making beaded jewelry. Nate's decided to start back up his model car building. I love doing beading. We spent at least 2 hours outside on this grassing area by my dorm and did our hobbies. I got a major sunburn, but it was worth it!

So everyone else has Spring Break it seems like. I have 2 tests this week. It's going to be crazy. I just can't wait for this week to be over. So Nate and I decided that we will go to Phoenix for a few days, then camp in Sedona a few days, and then off to the Grand Canyon. Should be a good time.

We have finally finalized the wedding date and everything.

Dec. 18, 2005 (Sunday)
4pm
First Presbyterian Church

Everything is going to fast now. I mean people are telling me I need to know the florist, the caterer, the colors, all this stuff in the next few weeks! Ahhhhhhh....can't wait though.

Just 4 days of classes and then a break!

Spring Break

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 05:19:29 GMT

So right now I am getting a headache from trying to find a cheap way (but still different) way of spending Spring Break. I am so desperate to get away for just like 3 nights. Looking at going to San Diego but its freakin exspensive. I asked my dad and thats the only idea he has. Should I max out my credit card just so I can go? I mean I would love to go to San Diego. I wold love to be able to do that. It's only 2 weeks away and so if I plan on going there I need to get things going so there will actually be a hotel with space! If you guys have ANY ideas on something to do thats not that much money let me know ASAP. What is everyone else doing for Spring Break?

The Jacket

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 18:41:12 GMT

Does anyone want to go see The Jacket with Nate and me tonight? I have to go pick up my cousin from the airport at 10 pm so it has to be done by then! Let me know ASAP!

My eyes are burning

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 06:34:19 GMT

So today I went to class. Nate walked with me because he forgot his keys in my room and needed to get breakfast which just happened to be on the way to where I was going. YEAH! Well I went to CJ 101. I got out of class and had a voicemail waiting for me. It was Nate. I told him to call me when he was done with his check up at the health center on campus for his pneumonia. He actually was calling to tell me I forgot to give him back his keys. LOL oops!

Well I call him back and he was still at the dr.'s office, but he told me that the doctor thinks he knows whats wrong with him. Said it was cyctic fibrosis. Here's the site if you wanna know more about it:

www.cff.org

I freaked out and called my dad and since I was waiting for my next class to start I wasn't near a computer so he looked online for me. The one thing that scared me the most was the average life expectency for someone with this was 34...Nate's 23! I cried. I couldn't care less who was staring at me. My dad did his best to try to tell me all he knew, but my phone died on him. I went to my next class, randomly shedding a few tears and realized I couldn't handle going to my next class.

Nate and I are coming down to Phoenix tomorrow. He needs some time just to relax, as well I as do. And being somewhere where we feel like home is going to be the best thing for us.

It's hard to believe this is happening. It explains a lot, especially with all the health problems. I wonder why the doctors didn't think of that unitl now? Politics? *shrugs* Well my eyes are burning from all the crying. I am doing a lot better. Still need more anwers.

Thats all for tonight. I just need a good nights sleep before heading home.

Too early

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 16:06:17 GMT

So I woke up this moring to the phone ring. Of course it's for me at 8am in the monring. Nothing important but the lady was all like "oh did I wake you up?" Ahh...YEAH! I love how when I wake up in the morning I have to go to the bathroom. I wasn't ready to be awake but my body was like "if her eyes are open she can go to the bathroom.

I wont say my life is perfect but I don't have too much to complain about. It's been stressful, with both Nate and I being sick at the same time. I mean I want to give him the comfort he needs but when I am exhausted it's so hard. I was in the hospital with "stuff" going on and I realized how much I love MORPHINE! It's probably one of the greatest things God has created.

I read in my friend's live journal that this girl Emily, which I kinda knew was pregnant. I asked Nate probably on a daily basis if I can have a baby. I'm only kidding of course but in a way I am serious. I know we couldn't financialy afford one. I know that the best thing to do is to wait until he is in med school and is making some money (even though they take it right back from him as his tuition, but whatever). I know I'm going to have to find a job after college. So a baby isn't exactly in the near future. I don't knwo what it is about having my own child. I have wanted one ever since I was young, and it's not going to change. I guess it's the fact of having someone that shows your love for one another (ie husband and wife).

I went to a Bible study last night. I didn't want to go but Nate wanted me to and I want him to be the spiritual leader in our relationship. It was ok, we played Texas Holdem afterwards. It lasted till 11pm and them I finally got to eat dinner and went home.

I talked with my best bud Nikki for awhile. Didn't get to say as much as I wanted to because I was exhausted, but I plan on calling her this week sometime. I went to bed at liek 1am and couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned for forever. I hated it. I haven't been that frustrated in awhile. Plus I probably kept my roomate up cuz ever time I would move it made the heater move and make noise. I'm just so upset with why my body did that. And it didn't help I woke up at 8am.

Well I am going to try to get more sleep before my doctor's appointment. When will they end?

"If you never went to bed would you still call it breakfast?"

My quiz

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 23:01:57 GMT

I made a quiz. Some questions are hard and some are not. They are not TRICKY like Aubreys *shakes fist at her*. Hope you enjoy and learn a little bit more about me!

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!